Taking my Christmas Decorations down...

Is it me or does it seem like Christmas came and went fast last year? I count myself as one of those early shoppers and early decorators. I mean, I have everything done, including my Christmas Cards and our family Christmas picture done by December 1st. This year, I got the Christmas Cards out on 12/15 and we have not family picture. I did none of my shopping until December 23rd, 2008. My house was decorated completely the same day.

I did have alot of family in and out of my house this holiday and that could have contributed to the delay of my personal holiday traditions, but when I asked my friends if they felt the same way, they felt like Christmas came TOO FAST for them too. It could be, because the stores were so afraid of low sales, they started "Christmas" by stocking their shelves with the red, green goodies right after Halloween, completely not giving Thanksgiving its' due. I love Thanksgiving and we, as a country, are making it virtually disappear right off the calendar. Thanksgiving is a great holiday and I enjoy my tradition of getting up late, helping my mom cut the veggies and get the dinner ready, getting the family dressed, greeting family, eating until I am stuffed, and then taking cat naps between the various football games and family movies.

It is a general consensus between me and many of my friends that time is moving faster. Days are like half days and the weeks are flying by without notice. I start my week Monday and when I finally get in a place where I can stop for a second, I realize the week is over.

Why does this relate to my Christmas decorations...? They are still up with the exception of my tree which my husband took down the day after the Christmas because it was drying up and becoming a potential fire hazard. But my staircase, mantle, piano, and wreaths (including the one on the front door) are still up. I had a crazy holiday season and because I truly did not get to celebrate like I wanted to, they are staying up until February 1st. I feel that is just enough time and I will just cut short enough of Valentine's Day (though they could stay up because they are red and white this year). HA! Next year, I am planning some things with my family and I will not get caught up in the hullabaloo of the holidays.

Don't forget to make time last and matter because the very next moment of your life is not promised and check it out...We are already into the 2nd month of 2009 already. It will be Christmas again before you know it.

A day that changed human history...

I kept my children home from school today because today is an important day in their history. A day that changed human history and one they may never see again. The day inspiration took office.

I am watching TV, reading all the Facebook status changes, and having a very poignant conversation with my mother. She is telling me of times when she had to give up her seat and move to the back of the bus when a white man or woman would get on. Of classrooms where she had to share one microscope amongst 30 children because of sub-standard educational conditions. Of having to sit at the colored only dining counters and drinking from colored water fountains. Of watching black men being herded onto trucks to being driven to the cotton fields, not as slaves, but free men, being paid poverty wages. She was laughing and joyfully sharing stories of her past and it came to me.

In the words of my friend John Pointer, we elected inspiration. She was downright bubbly. She was hopeful, chatting with a vibrancy of a middle schooler. Obama changed human history by inspiring it. His mere presence during a difficult time, energized the world. He represents possibilities and hope for everyone - blacks, whites, and minorities alike.

My uncle attended the infamous Central High School in Little Rock Arkansas, after it was integrated - you know the one that is in every history book on the planet. My mother, her mother my grandmother, and many of my female family members picked cotton. She has been bruised and battered by her own people as she fought to have a better life for her family, constantly facing doors being shut in her face and "not being considered" for positions she should have received, but did not under false pretense. From working in a cotton field as a child, to raising her younger brothers and sisters and working in a meat packing plant, to climbing the professional ladder, and getting her Masters and now living and thriving as a counselor helping children. From being unsure of her future and retirement and having to work way past her years to maintain a stable life only to have her savings taken by greedy hands, viciously and carelessly robbing her of the hard earned savings, that were supposed to sustain her for the rest of her life. She has faced incredible adversity and today, she, without regret or animosity, smiles inspired about her future in this country, a country that has consistenly unloaded devastating hardship on her life.

So in honor of her and the man we elected to bring us into this new era of change, I again dedicate my life to create new hope for others. To honor her legacy of struggle by sharing the stories she shared with me with my children to never forget where we came from, where we are, and where we are today. To honor Obama's vision and do my part to "pick up myself by the bootstraps" and get to work and to believe when you have nothing but God to believe in. I did not vote for Obama because of his race. That action would have been unfair to him because the job of President is a daunting one that takes years off your life. I voted for him because he is the right man for the job he has ahead of him and I will do what I can to support him through prayer, encouragement, and lifting him and his family up daily to God for protection, clarity of thought, and strength.

He will have many hands reaching out to him, pressures from other politicians, statesmen, lobbyists, and special interests groups, hoping to influence him to their causes and desires. Power corrupts (without fail), so I pray he stays strong and incorruptible. During his speech he has made many ambitious promises, but I just believe he will do it. When I saw the callouses on his right hand as he took the oath of office, I saw a man who has worked during his life and can relate to the auto worker who just lost his job or the farmer whose receiving a percentage of the harvest of his land because of our weakened ecomony. He can even relate to a woman from Little Rock Arkansas, who picked cotton as a child. He knows her needs and I just believe he will work to help reconstruct the road she built so she can retire. I pray he stays faithful to his wife, his children without failing. I know I will not always agree with him, as he has already made decisions I am not sure of, but I will always try to respect him in his decisions. He has earned my respect.

In honor of my mommy who I love with all my heart, I dedicate this day to her, first as a survivor, as an American citizen, and a black woman because without her and others like her, Obama would not be the leader of free world today. We are not Black, White, Latino, or minority anymore. We have been united today as Americans and we are in for the fight of our lives, but I just believe...

Being a hypocrite is SO my style...

I am going to be real about my stuff right now. I need to be a practician of what I speak. I share some of the most relevant advice to my friends and family and I fail to use it myself. It makes so much sense when my "sage-like" words of wisdom come out of my mouth but I am either too proud or too dumb to take it in myself and make my life better.

So I realize my year of change has to be...and pay attention, this may get a bit complicated. My year of change is going to be one where I change myself and stop trying to change everyone else to make me feel better or make their actions make sense. The world will never be a place where I am comfortable because I am not supposed to be comfortable here because it is not my home. It is also not my responsibility to change the rest of the world. For a control freak like me, that is impossible...well darn near impossible, but I am getting better. God will do the changing and I will shut my mouth. :)

SO my change will truly begin with me. I will start here. I will pray for God to make the changes in me and I will open my heart to it. I know I am going to have to make some changes to make room for all the wonderful stuff coming into my life and I stop pulling nonsense into that precious place my heart has available. I need that space...none for rent.

Beautiful from Tragedy! The greatest story ever told and my new mantra!

So I just came from my stepdaughter's birthday party - she is 18 yesterday. I remember the day I met her. My ex brought her to my apartment. It was Halloween 1997 - she was 6. She was dressed in a pink mermaid outfit her mom had made her. She came in and I think we were both a bit shocked to meet each other as neither she or myself knew the other existed before 6 hours earlier that same day.

She came in and I told her I wanted to help her with her costume and she told me it would be okay. I got her ready and just before we left that night, she told me that she had thought about it and she liked me and that she was okay with me being around. That moment, along with many, remind me of why she was brought into my life.

After my relationship was over, we stayed in each other's life and she always inspires me with her resiliency, her intelligence, she understated beauty, and her just overall great attitude about her life. Her mother, like myself, had to raise our little ones alone from a young age and despite the nonsense life dealt them, Mia, Kendall, and Brendan are the most terrific human beings I have ever met - alive or dead.

I believe the phrase "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" is cliche, but truer words were never spoken. Tempered in what should have been a tragic situation, each of them failed to be a statistic and I have yet to meet a person that has not told me how wonderful and kind they are. There's the blessing. The turbulence in their early lives made them stronger - like a diamond - the pressure formed them into something amazing and priceless.

Makes me understand the idea behind unfailing grace. My girlfriend Mel (my stepdaughter's mom) told me that she hadn't had a chance to call me about this crazy voicemail I left her a couple of weeks back to razz me about it. I laughed because in the voicemail, I was in my car after dropping my kids off and I became overwhelmed with this unexplainable joy.

My daughter Kendall has just spent the day shopping with her big sis and she was floating on cloud nine and she reminded me that it was her 18th b-day in a month. I thought about how far she and Mia had come and all the challenges, struggles, and troubles (some at my hands) they had faced, and I got crazy emotional and on a weird whim, I called Mel and rambled for about 3 minutes about how proud I was of them, how awesome she and Mia were, and how I wanted to support Mia's in reaching her dreams through college. I know I must have sounded crazy and or drunk. Not drunk - just filled to the top with happy thankfulness. I hung up before I had a chance to delete and re-record a less fanatical message and Mel got a great laugh out of it, but I meant every word because our kids deserve that and so much more. So does she.

I hope that I can remember my new mantra when hard times come. When things get ridiculously hard and friggin' out of control, I will try and remember the blessing on the other side because there is a blessing. Sit Tight! There is always a diamond.

Back to school...Back to school... Billy Madison watch out!

So I have made all these changes in my life and I am at the biggest one yet.  I have decided get my degree in Family Counseling and I am so excited.  I left school to "do life" - kids, work, music... and now I really feel like I have a handle of what I am supposed to do with my life.  I thought I wanted to be a lawyer - I mean it is glamorized so much and the money is supposed to be sooooooo great.  But...Law was not where I needed to be - I am a counselor in every since of the word.  I love working with people.  My charity puts me in contact with those who need a ear to hear them when they are in crisis.  My mother is a therapist and my daughter is even a peer counselor - seems to be a family legacy and I am finally "hip" to it.  I am excited and I found out one of my friends is going back for her Social Work doctorate so I already have a study buddy! :)  I also have two counselors who can supervisor my intern hours.  Seems perfectly logical to me and I hope it helps me to help the survivors I come into contact even more.

The incredible shrinking Courtney...keep track this may go a little fast...

It's time. I am about to be a lady of sophistication - my way of saying "middle aged" - and it is time for me to drop this extra weight I have been carrying around unnecessarily for years.

I can no longer say it is baby weight because both of my kids are old enough to tell everyone that they are not responsible for my ever-increasing butt. I can no longer say that it is "love" weight - my husband and I have a few too many anniversaries under our belts for me to use that old chestnut. I can't say I am depressed because not being able to fit into the clothes in my closet is far more depressing than anything life has been shooting at me lately.

I can't say it is because I have no outlets for exercise because I have a pool in my backyard and a pair of tennis shoes for walking in my great neighborhood (even after dark). I also have a ton of active friends that will work out with me any day of the week and they workout in so many interesting ways. I can't say I don't have the time because I now work for myself and I can set aside time to work out and in my line of work, I need to stay in shape or my work will suffer. So in my year of change, I will stop with the "loser" excuses and get healthy.

Telling myself "Oh you are not as big as that lady" or "At least your stomach doesn't touch your thighs" is not exactly the healthiest self talk I could be using to lift myself up. So instead of making myself feel better about my current state of unhealthiness, I will use that energy in the gym. I will also convince myself that eating five small meals, five times a day is not gluttony. It's metabolism-building and I can't continue with my "frantic schedule" eating trend of not eating all day and eating fast food at 10p at night (when I remember that I haven't eaten all day).

It's all about discipline for me. I must exercise DAILY. I must eat properly EVERYDAY. As I get older, I am starting to feel aches and pains in my body that I didn't have as a younger woman, so I definitely don't need to add any additional self-inflicted nastiness to the mix (i.e. obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, heart disease, etc.).

So if you are a friend or family member reading this, keep me honest and accountable, and ask me how my "get right" plan is going. I need the accountability and the encouragement. By my 35th birthday in April, I have a pair of jeans (size 10) that I have not been able to work since 2003 and I plan to wear them to my birthday celebrations. I am also planning to try some new and exciting things like half-marathons and bike races in the coming year. My husband came up with a list of different ways for me to exercise and I start the first one on my list at noon today - Bikram Yoga! I have done it once or twice before, so I am not going in blind but that was years ago and I am excited about it. So this is the year - if you want to join me, email me at courtney@courtneysanchez.net.

Do you have a bull in china shop?

I am going to use this blog to share about lessons I am learning as I get ready for this year of change and I will promse not be negative, but occasionally, I have to get some things off my chest and see what others think. In my effort to say no, I am discovering I have people in my life that will not take no for an answer. They come into my life, like a bull in a china shop, and make decisions that effect me and my family with any regard for how it affect me and with little respect for my life and my choices.

Though I have lived a long life and I have learned many good lessons, and have grown as a person emotionally, physically, and spiritually, I am still not able to share any wisdom with them and they often make efforts to chastize me and tell me what they think.

I look at their life choices and see they have no better grip on things than me and there is little reason for me to take anything they say with any real creedence. So when one is in this situation, do you question, what in the world is wrong with them or what in the world is wrong with you?

You know this flaw is part of their character and yet you allow them to negatively affect your life. You continue to make yourself open to their nonsense, with the hopes that things will change. Does that make them wrong or does that make you crazy for going down that dead-end street yet again, hoping something will change?

This year, I am saving all my energy on people that don't suck the life out of me. On God (who never fails me), on my husband and kids, my close family and friends, and my work. My advice to you is, keep your mind from sinning by avoiding those who make you crazy and save yourself by having people who unselfishly lift you up in your life without agenda. Accountability is important but avoid the judgmental ones, who feel it their personal mission, to keep a running list of your mistakes to remind you of, later. You are not a personal project for someone trying to fill a hole in their soul - you are God's masterpiece (no one else deserves the title). But also be prepared to do the same for everyone else - don't be a hypocrite Courtney!

In 2009, I am saying NO to selfish people and there are no "bulls" allowed in my china shop.